Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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