im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
