I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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