Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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