They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
