the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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