I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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