Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
