So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
