My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize