I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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