i don't like sucking hair
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
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