1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
