I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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