What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
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I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
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well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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