I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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