I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
