Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
