My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
