you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
