im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
