The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
