This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
