it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
