I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
