Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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