I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
