ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
