spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
