So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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