I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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