Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
