I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
