I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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