I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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