The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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