Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize