I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
