I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
