So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I intend to get homeless drunk
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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