pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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