At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
