Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
