I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
