thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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