just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
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It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
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We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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