She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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