You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
