i already hear my dad disowning me
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
