there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
