Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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