I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
