quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
