I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
