I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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