I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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