I can feel the alcohol in my calves
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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