So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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