i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
