Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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