Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
