There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
