yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
