how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
