Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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