my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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