boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize